My Dearest Loves,
You both came into my life suddenly and yet slowly. There was pain and yet peace while I was brining you into this world. There were tears but at the same time laughter the moment I laid eyes on your faces. It has been 10 weeks and those emotions have barely changed.
Being your mother is a beautifully exhausting dichotomy. I cry tears when I physically can not get out of my bed when I hear you crying. I want to come to you both, but my body, mind, and spirit are just too weak. I’m so thankful God gives Dada strength when I have none left. I cry along wth you out of frustration when I can’t satiate your wails. I am sleep deprived because you keep me up all night. But then it’s your little bright smiles, with those dimples, that make my heart so happy. It your adorable little babbling that makes me laugh and then I forget all about how bad I smell or the long night ahead.
You are both my greatest challenge and my greatest reward. Feeding you, putting you to sleep, soothing your cries, and changing your blowout diapers is definitely a challenge, but through it I have been given a great reward. God had used you both to open up the depths of my spirit to reveal great flaws in my character. And it gives me the opportunity to grow as a person.
You both make me reflect on how selfish I really am. You are both a mirror that reflects my great desire to control situations instead of trusting God. You squeeze me till my last bit of patience runs out only to realize that there is still more needed. You reveal my great need for God’s supernatural help every second of my life.
I write this letter holding one of you as you sleep on my lap for the past hour. I’m holding you because you always fight your sleep and become overtired and extremely cranky, but in my arms you rest. I’ve been holding you for about 45 minutes now. My left arm is aching, and the sound of the falling rain from the sound machine is trying to lull me to sleep too. I have a million and one things to do, but all of that has to pause so that I can hold you, and look… you give me the gift of slowing down to write this letter to you both. I haven’t written in over 3 months.
Though the days mull on in a thick fog, the sun will shine again and I will be coherent enough to notice the birds chirping. I know I will look back and see how you have made me a better woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. And it is for this growth that I am forever indebted to you both.
You girls are my beautifully exhausting dichotomy and I pray God continues to help me help you.
With all my love,
What has been the most challenging part of being a twin mama for you? What has been the most rewarding?