My dearest loves,
You both came into my life suddenly and slowly. There was a pain and a peace in bringing you into this world. There were tears and laughter the moment I laid eyes on your faces. It has been 10 weeks and not much has changed.
Being your mother is a beautifully exhausting dichotomy. I cry tears when I physically can not get out of my bed when I hear you cry, or when I can’t satiate your wails, or when you keep me up all night, but I have the grandest smile when you babble at me or look me in the eyes and show me your dimples.
You are both my greatest challenge and my greatest reward. Not only is feeding you, putting you to sleep, soothing your cries, and changing your blowout diapers a challenge, God had used you both to open up the depths of my spirit to reveal great flaws in my character.
You make me reflect on how selfish I truly am. You show me how much I yearn to control situations instead of trusting God. You squeeze me till my last bit of patience runs out only to realize that there is still more needed. You reveal my great need for God’s supernatural help every second of my life. For these lessons I am indebted to you, my loves.
Though the days mull on in a thick fog, you are giving me the greatest reward. I don’t see it everyday, but I know I will look back and see how you have made me a better woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend.
I write this letter holding one of you as you sleep on my lap for the past hour. I do this because you are overtired and need to rest, instead of always fighting your sleep. My left arm is aching, and the sound of the bubbling brook white noise is driving me to fight off sleep too. I have a million and one things to do, but all of that pauses to hold you, and look… you give me the gift of slowing down to write this letter to you both. I haven’t written in over 3 months.
You girls are my beautifully exhausting dichotomy and I pray God continues to help me help you.
With all my love,